“I DON’T get it,” she said. “He’s only 30 years old but you’re telling me he’s won 21 world championships in a row – that means he started winning those world titles when he was still at primary school…”

The intricacies of our sport can be somewhat confusing to muddles (if JK Rowling gets away with calling non-magical folk muggles in her series of books I reckon the muddles moniker fits just right for people who don’t eat, sleep and breathe dirty bikes) but I’d have to agree that the fact that Toni Bou has just racked up 21 consecutive titles does make it sound like he’s been dominant for way longer than he actually has. Not that 10 and a bit years of total rule ain’t long enough…

“So explain it again,” she said.

“Well, there’s the outdoor trial world championship that happens during the summer and then in the winter the top so-many riders from that do the X-Trial series, which is all indoors,” I replied.

“Oh,” she said. “So, why isn’t that Tim Herlings or Jeffrey Cairoli you were talking about, the indoor motocross world champion, too?”

“Well, for one, it’s Tim Gajser and Jeffrey Herlings who are the current motocross world champions and they can’t compete in the AMA Supercross series – which is the indoor motocross world championship, even though it all happens in just one country, America – because the rounds clash at the beginning of the year.”

“That’s stupid,” she said. “What about that end-doo-doo stuff?”

“End-doo-doo,” I laughed! “Whaaat?” “The headlights one,” she said. “The dirt bikes with the headlights.”

“They have an indoor and outdoor world championship in that too, although the racing is so different it doesn’t really cross over,” I explained. 

“The top SuperEnduro guys are really good at super-intense, short, sharp races over logs and rocks and stuff, while the EnduroGP guys are awesome at reading terrain and dodging between trees at high speed.”

“So why do they need lights?” she asked. “The bikes all have to be road legal,” I offered.

“To race them in a stadium?” she said. “Yep, even just to race them in a stadium.” “That’s stupid,” she said. I didn’t disagree.

“So explain the trials things again,” she said.

“Excuse me, sir. Can you stow your laptop and bag in the overhead locker now please,” interjected the stewardess – inadvertently saving me from having to go through the ins and outs of it all over again. 

And during that break it was at that exact moment that I decided to never ever try and squeeze in an hour’s worth of work on a flight home. 

I also made the call that I’m only ever gonna peruse airline supplied reading material on flights in the future and if anyone asks tell them I work in health and safety, or something. 

So, if you ever end up sat next to a tired, stressed looking fat bloke who claims his name is ‘Bob’ and ‘writes risk assessments for a living’ it might just be me. 

Of course, it might not be me also but unless you can prove to me without any reasonable doubt that you’re not a muddle then I ain’t engaging you – or anyone else for that matter – in dirty talk on an airplane ever again.