Blind faith
By TMX Archives on 8th Apr 04
IT'S TAKEN some bloke in an ill-fitting suit with bad breath and nostril hair that you could lose a sheep in to confirm what I already knew. IT'S TAKEN some bloke in an ill-fitting suit with bad breath and nostril hair that you could lose a sheep in to confirm what I already knew. Not only am I losing my hair faster than I lose places after a good start to a moto, I'm also rapidly losing my sight.It's said that too much of something can make you go blind but I thought that was just a story my mum made up to save on laundry. I'll have to stop that now anyway because I can't see what I'm holding! As well as in my life itself, it's clearly apparent (or not as the case may be) that things are becoming distorted. I not only feel like Mr Magoo - I'm actually starting to look like him.They say that life rushes by you in a blur before you know it - well that's certainly what happened to me at the opening round of the British championship. Canada Heights was an eye-opener to the fact my eyes might as well have been half-closed. They're shot. My right eye in particular has such badly blurred vision it's like it's drunk all on its own - almost as if I've taken my peeper out and soaked it in Jack Daniels for 24 hours.I'm not sure if it's just a coincidence or not but it was my right hand I sandwiched at speed between my handlebars and a track marking post - the irony of hitting a white painted stick! With track conditions being bad to very bad - and the fact I couldn't really see the ruts until I was in them and experiencing close encounters with my front mudguard - I thought I'd avoid the foot-deep lines of hell and instead ride into an erect lump of quality timber. Not a brilliant idea at the best of times but especially not on my first attempt at a qualifying lap.Even so I made the race but I might as well have stayed in the awning eating all the hospitality grub. In the first (and my only) race of the day I came round to a right-hander and swung it left. Now my eyesight isn't that bad just yet, I was taking evasive action to avoid a pile-up in front of me.Not content with just turning left and into the fence, I tried a Robin Cousins 360 spin and ended up flapping around in the mud. After failing to muster the strength to fire my mule into life and being lapped three times in the process it was back to the security of a warm van.And that's where I stayed while the others were on the line for moto two. Revs and I did endure the driving rain to watch Nunny nearly take a first win for the team. I blame Revs for saying 'he's gonna do it' because Carl promptly did do it - binned it that is.Conditions weren't much better at the first GP at Zolder a week later - that was also cold, wet and windy. Not that any of us in the adopted Fun Bus seemed to care, we slept all through the night with the door of the truck wide open - two of us minus duvets. It's amazing to think that the consumption of a bottle of tequila or a crate of beer can keep you as warm as if you were covered in whale blubber. Or is it the fact that quite possibly I am?Now I don't want to give the wrong impression here, you've got to understand this unprofessional behaviour was for one night only - well for me at least. The other three made a weekend of it and didn't the interior of the truck pay the price. The state that it was in by the end of the weekend it could've been mistaken for a student's bedroom or maybe even modern art. The only thing it was missing was a pair of knickers - although there was talk of finding some. Having said that, I think Andy was wearing a pair anyway.In all fairness, the inside of the truck was about all the atmosphere that was going down at the Zolder circuit. For an opening GP I thought it was dead. There probably would've been more atmosphere discussing anoraks at a train-spotters' convention. When I used to race GPs the first one of the year always used to be Talavera in Spain and it rocked. It was always my favourite race and set the tone for the rest of the year so I hope the first round in Belgium isn't anything to go by.Today I've been at Gore Basin, home of the British GP. I was stood on the big tabletop, all on my own (because my friends have a life) and realised just how much more of an atmosphere we'll have at OUR British GP. As far as spectacles go you'll be getting your money's worth. As far as my spectacles go, paying over 200 to the cabbage breath monster ain't so much fun...By Jeff Perrett