Motocross

Family circle

Family circle

my 83-year-old grandma fixes lunch for my uncles, dad and any other family member that can sneak a few hours away from work.
It’s a tough crew and they all work together in a family-run construction company. EVERY WEEKDAY my 83-year-old grandma fixes lunch for my uncles, dad and any other family member that can sneak a few hours away from work.
It’s a tough crew and they all work together in a family-run construction company. ‘The Boys’ say what they think and laugh hysterically through most of the meal at the expense of others around the table.
So I took a tape recorder into lunch and asked them about their views on the line-up for this year’s outdoor nationals…

The Players
Uncle Richard – former bodybuilder and nationally ranked in archery.
Uncle Russell – says just enough to get everyone fired up, then backs off and smiles triumphantly at the inevitable ***t-storm.
Uncle Ronnie – Boy Scout leader, avoids lunch like the plague in fear of confrontation.
Cousin Greg – ADHD, likes to fight, tough as nails, state champion wrestler, fifth person to land a back-flip on a motorcycle.
Grandma – nice to everyone, always happy, never sees the negative in any situation.
Dad (Robert) – a personality like Russell, makes most kids in our family cry at every gathering.
Hippie (Bill) – long-haired scrawny little guy and the brunt of most bad situations, yet amazingly intelligent.

I arrived a bit late and walked in when the boys were recalling the time Russell *****d off my Uncle Alan (formerly of the Denver Broncos). When Bill laughed at what was said, Alan locked him up in a wrestling hold, compressed one of Bill’s vertebra and threw him off a cliff.
Richard: "Is Kevin still alive?"
Russell: "He’ll last longer than you!"
Dad: "Top five every week, he’ll finish the year in third."
Grandma: "That Ricky, he is so good!"
Me: "What about Ryno?"
Russell: "Ryno who?"
Bill: "Ryno’s gonna wad."
Todd: "He’s fast until he hits the ground."
Richard: "He’s too old – more concussions than you, Travis!"
Dad: "What’s old got to do with it?"
Todd: "You get smarter."
Russell: "Well, yeah."
Todd: "He’s got the mentality of a 19-year-old."
Richard: "Brown’s older."
Dad: "Well, he isn’t any smarter."
Bill: "Chad can’t beat no-one. Well, maybe Travis – but not if he were on the right medication. With the right medication you could win it."
Todd: "What, Vicodin or Novocaine?"
Richard: "Bubba will win every round."
Grandma: "What’s James gonna do next year? I think he’s gonna win."
Everyone: "Grandma!"
Richard: "That kid’s like Michael Jordan, he can do anything."
Russell: "He’s a much better talker than Ricky."
Robert: "Carmichael’s doin’ a lot better. Even gave Windham praise for having more talent in the last Cycle News."
Russell: "Ricky said that?"
Robert: "Yep."
Russell: "Ricky Carmichael?"
(BMX legend Mat Hoffman calls)
Mat: "Evel Knievel wants to go for one last world record jump and I told him that I would help him get set up with the best jumper but he told me he was the best jumper and that I should never forget that. Anyway, I think you would be a great person to help."
Bill: "Tell him not to do it on a Harley."
Me: "Does he mean his ‘last’ jump or does he plan on landing it?"
Russell: "He’s gonna hit like a ton of bricks and break like glass."
Bill: "Is Windham still married?"
Russell: "You can’t win married."
Richard: "Ricky’s married."
Russell: "Ricky’s married?"
Robert: "Yeah, she’s two feet taller than he is!"
Grandma: "He’s so short, anyone would look really tall."
Bill: "Are you racing any supercrosses?"
Me: "Hopefully."
Bill: "I think your chi is so far out of whack… Bong and a blintz… Codine and pancakes."
Richard: "I didn’t think you would make it through the 125s but you did…well, kinda…"
Russell: "We told Grandma if she wanted to see you race she had to go to the first one."
Grandma: "Oh, don’t worry Travis, I enjoyed my trip to San Diego – we went to San Clemente island and saw some whales."
Russell: "I lost money that you would be home before New Year this year."
Bill: "If Kevin comes back he’s got nothing to work for."
Dad: "What, you think he has enough money to retire?"
Todd: "If he’s not a flaming dumbass he does."
Bill: "Bling bling…did you see his jewellery? Now that’s flaming."
Todd: "You can get your money back out of that stuff."
Bill: "Who’s gonna buy that?"
Todd: "Any rapper…any one of them."
Bill: "Bling bling on Ebay."
Russell: "Nelly will…he could be your sponsor!"
Richard: "You should get Victoria’s Secret!"
Russell: "Maybe you could be in the catalogue!"
Bill: "You’re the last person I want to see in a Victoria’s Secret catalogue."
Rich: "How about Team Band-Aid?"
Russell: "An 18-wheeler that looks like a Giant Band-Aid box!"
Bill: "Yeah, one that has a Neosporin pump dispenser!"
Todd: "What about a sponsorship by ice? Yeah, Got Ice, it could be bigger than milk!"
Richard: "Team Injured."
Bill: "Really, the whole team is injured!"
Richard: "You can beat anyone when you’re healthy."
Bill: "And with the right medication."
Todd: "Novocaine?"
Words by Travis Pastrana, courtesy RacerX