Family circle

By TMX Archives on 14th Apr 03

Motocross

my 83-year-old grandma fixes lunch for my uncles, dad and any other family member that can sneak a few hours away from work.It's a tough crew and they all work together in a family-run construction company. EVERY WEEKDAY my 83-year-old grandma fixes lunch for my uncles, dad and any other family member that can sneak a few hours away from work.It's a tough crew and they all work together in a family-run construction company. 'The Boys' say what they think and laugh hysterically through most of the meal at the expense of others around the table.So I took a tape recorder into lunch and asked them about their views on the line-up for this year's outdoor nationals...The PlayersUncle Richard - former bodybuilder and nationally ranked in archery.Uncle Russell - says just enough to get everyone fired up, then backs off and smiles triumphantly at the inevitable ***t-storm.Uncle Ronnie - Boy Scout leader, avoids lunch like the plague in fear of confrontation.Cousin Greg - ADHD, likes to fight, tough as nails, state champion wrestler, fifth person to land a back-flip on a motorcycle.Grandma - nice to everyone, always happy, never sees the negative in any situation.Dad (Robert) - a personality like Russell, makes most kids in our family cry at every gathering.Hippie (Bill) - long-haired scrawny little guy and the brunt of most bad situations, yet amazingly intelligent.I arrived a bit late and walked in when the boys were recalling the time Russell *****d off my Uncle Alan (formerly of the Denver Broncos). When Bill laughed at what was said, Alan locked him up in a wrestling hold, compressed one of Bill's vertebra and threw him off a cliff.Richard: "Is Kevin still alive?"Russell: "He'll last longer than you!"Dad: "Top five every week, he'll finish the year in third."Grandma: "That Ricky, he is so good!"Me: "What about Ryno?"Russell: "Ryno who?"Bill: "Ryno's gonna wad."Todd: "He's fast until he hits the ground."Richard: "He's too old - more concussions than you, Travis!"Dad: "What's old got to do with it?"Todd: "You get smarter."Russell: "Well, yeah."Todd: "He's got the mentality of a 19-year-old."Richard: "Brown's older."Dad: "Well, he isn't any smarter."Bill: "Chad can't beat no-one. Well, maybe Travis - but not if he were on the right medication. With the right medication you could win it."Todd: "What, Vicodin or Novocaine?"Richard: "Bubba will win every round."Grandma: "What's James gonna do next year? I think he's gonna win."Everyone: "Grandma!"Richard: "That kid's like Michael Jordan, he can do anything."Russell: "He's a much better talker than Ricky."Robert: "Carmichael's doin' a lot better. Even gave Windham praise for having more talent in the last Cycle News."Russell: "Ricky said that?"Robert: "Yep."Russell: "Ricky Carmichael?"(BMX legend Mat Hoffman calls)Mat: "Evel Knievel wants to go for one last world record jump and I told him that I would help him get set up with the best jumper but he told me he was the best jumper and that I should never forget that. Anyway, I think you would be a great person to help."Bill: "Tell him not to do it on a Harley."Me: "Does he mean his 'last' jump or does he plan on landing it?"Russell: "He's gonna hit like a ton of bricks and break like glass."Bill: "Is Windham still married?"Russell: "You can't win married."Richard: "Ricky's married."Russell: "Ricky's married?"Robert: "Yeah, she's two feet taller than he is!"Grandma: "He's so short, anyone would look really tall."Bill: "Are you racing any supercrosses?"Me: "Hopefully."Bill: "I think your chi is so far out of whack... Bong and a blintz... Codine and pancakes."Richard: "I didn't think you would make it through the 125s but you did...well, kinda..."Russell: "We told Grandma if she wanted to see you race she had to go to the first one."Grandma: "Oh, don't worry Travis, I enjoyed my trip to San Diego - we went to San Clemente island and saw some whales."Russell: "I lost money that you would be home before New Year this year."Bill: "If Kevin comes back he's got nothing to work for."Dad: "What, you think he has enough money to retire?"Todd: "If he's not a flaming dumbass he does."Bill: "Bling bling...did you see his jewellery? Now that's flaming."Todd: "You can get your money back out of that stuff."Bill: "Who's gonna buy that?"Todd: "Any rapper...any one of them."Bill: "Bling bling on Ebay."Russell: "Nelly will...he could be your sponsor!"Richard: "You should get Victoria's Secret!"Russell: "Maybe you could be in the catalogue!"Bill: "You're the last person I want to see in a Victoria's Secret catalogue."Rich: "How about Team Band-Aid?"Russell: "An 18-wheeler that looks like a Giant Band-Aid box!"Bill: "Yeah, one that has a Neosporin pump dispenser!"Todd: "What about a sponsorship by ice? Yeah, Got Ice, it could be bigger than milk!"Richard: "Team Injured."Bill: "Really, the whole team is injured!"Richard: "You can beat anyone when you're healthy."Bill: "And with the right medication."Todd: "Novocaine?"Words by Travis Pastrana, courtesy RacerX

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